Having never seen All Hallows Eve, I had zero prior exposure to Art the Clown before Terrifier. For those not in the know: Art has taken the horror community by storm since the release of this movie, which is his first solo feature. Not nearly as terrifying as the moniker would suggest, I think it would’ve better been served going by the original full-length title of the “Canterbury Tales” story it’s based on: “Terrible Crap That Should Be Burned In a Fire”.
The synopsis for this flick is probably one of the simplest that even an over-explainer like me can shit out in a single paragraph: the titular terrifier Art is a guy dressed up as a monochrome merrymaker (with a critical case of gingivitis) who carries a garbage bag of stabby and bludgeony weapons around with him and kills a cast of fodder that’s just as 1-dimensional as the mute jester marauding them. Yep, I said “mute”. Your slasher movie main event is a killer clown who doesn’t fucking talk. Face? Meet palm. You two will have plenty of time to get to know each other while we wait this thing out till the end credits.
Goth Pagliacci’s aforementioned garbage bag must be the Heftiest Hefty that Hefty has ever Hefted, because despite being filled with sharp instruments, you’d think the damn thing were filled with some much lighter, much less “clanky”, much duller material. In fact, you could show me that it was actually just packed with shredded paper and the most reaction you’d get from me was a shrug. Not even a full on Toru Yano shrug, but a solitary shoulder tremor that someone with Parkinsons might get after a sneeze.
Making matters worse? Nobody got the memo that no one’s given a shit about torture porn since 2010, so we get a particular scene of misogynistic mutilation that neither shocks nor “pushes boundaries”, but instead overcomes the collective senses with a heavy fog of Try-Hard flavored vape pen discharge. Unfortunately, I’ve seen plenty of people online voicing their love for this flick like it’s the next coming of Freddy Krueger, so don’t be surprised to see half-a-dozen sequels of more basic bullshit. Oh well, as I’ve been told over my Suspiria review, there’s no accounting for taste. *shrug*
1 Turd Costume out-of-Five
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