Quickie 45 – Weedjies: Halloweed Night (2019)

or “Chuck & Draven’s Nice Screams”

The first of Full Moon father Charles Band’s “Deadly Ten” series of movies (ten movies shot back-to-back and released one month after another), Weedjies is one of my least anticipated releases from the project. Continuing Chuck’s insistence to corner the market on the “pot horror comedies” sub-sub-genre, he’s finally taken a break from making those fucking Evil Bong sequels in favor of The Weedjies. I imagine the brainstorming session for this one consisted of Band and friends hotboxing in his backroom, trying their best to come up with some kind of original intellectual property, then just settling on ripping off one of his old properties (now owned by someone else, I’m sure) before ordering a dozen pizzas and passing out on the floor. Now we have knock-off Ghoulies that are born from a Ouija board…except it’s a Weedjie board (*groan*)…and they’re the Weedjies…because stoners love puns as much as they love taco pizza.

“It’s a classic parlor trick used over a century to dupe rubes of their money.” – Claude (also summing up Charles Band’s body of work *rimshot*)

A trio of female friends (Madison, Dallas, and Frankie) invest the last of their combined monies into renting an old Las Vegas hotel and hosting a weed-centric Halloween super party. The hope is that things will be “off the hook” with the help of their science nerd associate Claude and his single nugget of genetically engineered ultra Mary Jane. This “Golden Nugget” serves as the prize for a scavenger hunt amid the goers, who consist of a lot of extras (porn actresses and Howard Stern cronies) in uninspired leftovers from a Spirit clearance bin, along with several Full Moon character outfits for those role players with a Puppet Master fetish. 

And then there’s Diana Prince (Darcy, Joe Bob Briggs’ current mail girl) who’s decked out in her epic Wolf Cop cosplay from said episode of “The Last Drive-In. Note: her cameo is the only reason I’m watching this guaranteed turd (“I can crap in a box and mark it ‘Guaranteed’ if you want.”), so if you’re reading this Charles Band: more Darcy cosplay cameos, thank you!

The festivities are crashed by a voodoo priestess decked out in her “Sexy Houngan” costume and going by the name of “the Baroness”. Great! I’ll dress up like Destro and she can polish my chrome! Through her magical Weedjie board (*still groaning*) she releases the ghost of Ganja: a floating head that looks like a zombified Bob Marley by way of those kangaroo people from Tank Girl. Ganj in turn summons the eponymous puppets, a quartet of creepy crawlers now loose in the venue to merrily murder party guests until our heroes can capture and return them to the board. But, should they fail to do so by midnight, they’ll become Weedjies themselves! 

Weedjies is stupid bullshit, but by stupid bullshit standards, it’s not the worst. It’s not nearly as IQ poisoning as the butt cloud of Evil Bong, so I guess we can consider this the new high (no pun intended) water mark for Band’s “no amount of 420 will ever make these good” Willie Nelson Specials. If nothing else, at least this one has a cameo by an old PSA hosted by a clearly inebriated Sonny Bono bad mouthing Beelzebub’s bok choy!

Moral of the Story:Teamwork makes the dream work, but this is a nightmare. That’s what I get for eating a whole FunYun casserole before bed.

Final Judgment:

One-and-a-Half Bummer Bonos out-of-Five



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