Getting to know your armed assailant…

“Too powerful to be destroyed. Too Intelligent to be captured. This being still pursues its savage dream.” – Swamp Thing

I’ve been a bad movie lover since I was a pup. Egyptian God of Death and Embalming I may be, but that’s my job. Bad movies are my love. My oldest love. My oddest love. An “Elder Gods on Valentine’s Day” kind of love. Cinemasochism makes my spirit complete. Call it a sickness, call it a disease, call it a fetish. Whatever you call it, nothing can fill the portion of my being carved out for bad movies. Blame my father for getting me started, blame MST3K for taking me on as an apprentice. My passion was honed by the galactic robot god bone. The Satellite of Love lived up to its name.

After sharing that special brand of rough lovin’ with many a movie for over a decade (first with my high school chums in a group called H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S., then in the original Tomb of Anubis site) and taking an “extended vacation”, I’ve clawed my way back from the shifting sands of the Desert of Apathy (they have great vacation packages) to reclaim my seat in the pantheon of cinemasochists. It won’t be an easy trek to the lofty heights I enjoyed before, but I’m ready to plumb the depths of the bad movie cornhole. Join me on this journey, won’t you? On facebook? On twitter? In a brook? In the shitter?

…oh, and if you have a vagina (and are of legal age), don’t feel shy about shakin’ your goodies for me in some tastefully done displays of digital eroticism. I look forward to your salacious salutations. The only reason any guy creates something is the possibility of groupies to follow.

…I’m not joking.

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