Quickie Reviews

Previously known as “Shorties”, these are the short-subject reviews I pop out when I don’t have the time to type up a full feature. Though they lack the screenshots of the full-size articles, Quickies are good in a pinch for those without a lot of time to read a 10 page dissertation on Ankle Biters! Perfect for smoke breaks, toilet trips, and instances of public transportation when you need something to distract you from the creepy fucker staring at you from 3 seats ahead…

Hover over each link for a brief description of what you’re in for!

The 13th Warrior (1999)
or “A Baghdad Poet in King Hrothgar’s Court”

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)
or “Christmas Tales From the Darkside”

The Belko Experiment (2016)
or “Don’t It Make My White Collar Red”

Black Christmas (2006)
or “That Yellow Bastard (and His Yellow Bastard)”

The Conjuring (2013)
or “The Amityville Jump Scare”

Deadpool 2 (2018)
or “The Cable Guy”

Death House (2017)
or “Jason Goes to Hell”

Godzilla (2014)
or “Baby, Don’t Fear the Kaiju”

John Wick (2014)
or “The Butcher! The Breaker! The Candlestick Maker?”

Krampus (2015)
or “Let’s Have a Good Old Fashioned Christmas… IN HELL!”

Leprechaun Origins (2014)
or “The Suck of the Irish”

Mom and Dad (2017)
or “The Midlife Crisis Massacre”

Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre (2018)
or “This One Time, At Band Kampf…”

Red Christmas (2016)
or “Cletus the Red-Nosed Mutant”

Revenge (2017)
or “Jennifer’s Bodies”

Slay Belles (2018)
or “Kringle’s Angels: Full Stocking”

Tales From the Hood 2 (2018)
or “Bloods From the Crypts”

Train to Busan (2016)
or “28 Stops Later”

Upgrade (2018)
or “The Crow (T. Not-a-Robot)”

Venom (2018)
or “Me and My Shadow (Demon)”