Quickie Reviews

Previously known as “Shorties”, these are the short-subject reviews I pop out when I don’t have the time to type up a full feature. Though they lack the screenshots of the full-size articles, Quickies are good in a pinch for those without a lot of time to read a 10 page dissertation on Ankle Biters! Perfect for smoke breaks, toilet trips, and instances of public transportation when you need something to distract you from the creepy fucker staring at you from 3 seats ahead…

Hover over each link for a brief description of what you’re in for!

The 13th Warrior (1999)
or “A Baghdad Poet in King Hrothgar’s Court”

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
or “Uncanny Valley Girl”

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)
or “Christmas Tales From the Darkside”

Apollo 18 (2011)
or “Kiss of the Spider Monsters”

The Babysitter (2017)
or “Don’t Tell Mom, the Babysitter’s Occult”

Batman: Gotham By Gaslight
or “The Bat, The Cat and a Guy Named Jack”

The Belko Experiment (2016)
or “Don’t It Make My White Collar Red”

Black Christmas (2006)
or “That Yellow Bastard (and His Yellow Bastard)”

The Conjuring (2013)
or “The Amityville Jump Scare”

Deadpool 2 (2018)
or “The Cable Guy”

Death House (2017)
or “Jason Goes to Hell”

The Devil’s Rejects (2005)
or “The Three Amigos”

Doom: Annihilation (2019)
or “Uneventful Horizon”

The Fog (2005)
or “Cloudy with a Chance of Ghost Lepers”

Friday the 13th: Vengeance (2019)
or “The Shit Hits the Fan (Film)”

Godzilla (2014)
or “Baby, Don’t Fear the Kaiju”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
or “Friday Night Kaiju Lights”

Hellboy (2019)
or “An Idol Hand Is the Devil’s Playground”

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
or “A DIYer’s Nightmare”

Hush (2016)
or “Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil, See LOTS of Evil”

The Innkeepers (2011)
or “Undead and Breakfast”

It Comes at Night (2017)
or “Pennywise Has Wet Dreams?”

John Wick (2014)
or “The Butcher! The Breaker! The Candlestick Maker?”

Krampus (2015)
or “Let’s Have a Good Old Fashioned Christmas… IN HELL!”

Leprechaun Origins (2014)
or “The Suck of the Irish”

Mom and Dad (2017)
or “The Midlife Crisis Massacre”

The Night Eats the World (2018)
or “Introverts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse”

Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre (2018)
or “This One Time, At Band Kampf…”

Rabid (2019)
or “Kiss From a Rose”

Red Christmas (2016)
or “Cletus the Red-Nosed Mutant”

Revenge (2017)
or “Jennifer’s Bodies”

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015)
or “Always B Prepared”

Slay Belles (2018)
or “Kringle’s Angels: Full Stocking”

Suspiria (2018)
or “Saturday Night Fever Dreams”

Tales From the Hood 2 (2018)
or “Bloods From the Crypts”

Terrifier (2018)
or “Mime Crimes”

Train to Busan (2016)
or “28 Stops Later”

Upgrade (2018)
or “The Crow (T. Not-a-Robot)”

Venom (2018)
or “Me and My Shadow (Demon)”