or “Return of the Living Dad Jokes”
As a movie maker, you either love Rob Zombie or hate him. No, really, there’s no in-between. Take a roomful of horror fans and ask them to divide into groups based on their opinion of him, you’ll get half who think he’s an underappreciated hero and half who want to see him burned at the stake, with no one Switzerlanding. Okay, that’s not (entirely) true, but if you’re a member of any horror based social group, chances are you’ve witnessed an oddly rabid response to Zombie’s movies one way or another. From lovers of The Devil’s Rejects to loathers of Halloween, feelings tend to run heavy and heated. Meanwhile, the man doesn’t have any of the proverbial “fucks” to provide and continues to add to his legacy of brutality whether you like it or not. As such, here we have today’s venture into Robert’s nostalgia-laced gray matter; a reboot/re-imagining/retreading of the 1960’s comedy series, “The Munsters”. Who asked for it? He did. And no, he doth giveth no shits if you don’t like him casting his wife to star in it, either.
“Alright, so he’s a little obsessed with The Black Plague. A man needs his hobbies!” – The Count
As with any good origin opening, ours begins at the beginning. In the bustling hamlet of Transylvania, Lilly (Sherri Zombie) is a vampire in the blossom of middle age (“150 is the new 100!”) who’s been heavily let down by the bloodsucker dating scene, much to the dismay of her father “The Count” (Daniel Roebuck) – not to be confused with noted numeralphile Count VON Count – who wants to marry her off to one of their own kind. Preferably a plasma pilferer that brings a vast fortune to the altar with him. Meanwhile, self-proclaimed genius and part-time grave robber Dr. Wolfgang (Richard Brake) and his bumbling assistant Floop (Jorge Garcia) have successfully played a round of Modern Day Prometheus, creating a mish-mash monster man of their very own a la Henry Frankenstein (“Hankenstein” to his friends). Christened “Herman Munster” (Jeff Daniel Phillips) by ‘Oops, the bumbling brute man ends up on the local morning news/variety show’, where he catches the eye of the lonely Lilly. You’d think it’s sad to see a noble vampire reduced to jonesing for common zombie schlong, but it’s 2022! Let your freak flag fly freely! Anyway, hi-jinks ensue, the two become one (as a couple, not a hybrid monstrosity of Lovecraftian creation), and enough is left open for a sequel/series that will probably never happen.
The Munsters does the right thing of paying homage to its feedstock without straying too far or sticking too close to it. After all, what’s the point of a remake if the original version is still readily available to watch and still holds up today? The sets and makeup and costumes all fit the cornball-spookshow aesthetic of the series, and even though Universal wouldn’t let Zombie shoot the whole thing in monochrome like he wanted to, the over-saturated colors and neon touches work great! Besides, if you wanna see it the way Dr. Zombenstein intended his creation to be seen, just switch your TV into Black & White mode and have at it. Ain’t modern technology great? Sure, until your espresso maker is spraying scalding hot java juice on your junk! Argh!
When it comes to the cast, Roebuck does a near-perfect Al Lewis as The Count/Grandpa. Massive kudos to him, because Grandpa was always my favorite member of the family. Though I was expecting a more faithful-to-Fred Gwynne performance out of Phillips at first, the only vocal cue the big man brings over from the original is Herman’s hulking goofball laughter. Once you get used to him doing his thing though, New Herman takes on a charm of his own. And Sherri? I know it’s a running joke that she can’t act and she wouldn’t have a career if it weren’t for nepotism, and her husband would cast her as the shark in a remake of Jaws if he could, but her Lilly is a lot like Herman; once you realize she’s not Yvonne De Carlo, her campy, kinda “old Hollywood comedy” appeal grew on me and I ended up falling for her too. So sue me. If you don’t like her, look elsewhere for your confirmation bias.
While I may seem to be gushing over this movie though, don’t let that fool you. Beyond its campy throwback allure, there is one glaring issue I have to address: it’s too fucking long! By the time H & L tie the knot and get to their honeymoon (don’t @ me aboot spoilers because they’re married in the show), I was fighting unconsciousness like a bobble head in a breeze. This should’ve been a mini-series. As a feature, I found it hard to handle in one sitting. At over 100 minutes, Zombie could’ve easily shaved off the aforementioned honeymoon stuff and lost little in the process. But, as a mini-series, he could’ve thrown in at least another episode’s worth of material and filled in more of the gap between movie and show. Either way would’ve been preferable because as-is it had me suspicious that one of my alternate personalities had spiked my Diet Pepsi with ZzzQuil during intermission.
I grew up in a Munsters household (we didn’t have access to the Addams back in those days), so I’m familiar with the lore and appreciated what Zombie was telling. However, if you’re not as intimately aware of the family’s antics, then this origin story may just be for you. Unlike his Halloween reboot though, Zombie doesn’t suffocate this charming old timey franchise under the anti-“Roseanne” dark side of white trash-ism by making Lilly a junkie, Herman an alcoholic domestic abuser, Grandpa/Count a pedophile, Marilyn a stripper nor Eddie an animal killer. No, Bobbie keeps his edgelord Americana-gone-wrong trailer park gimmicks in the trunk of his Dragula for this one, sticking with the charming Universal Monsters, “all ages” themes of its source. And you know what? I liked it. I’ll probably never watch it again, because I tend to be a single-serving viewer, but I’d definitely give it a “Fresh” on RottenCorpses.com. In fact, I say give Zombie the reins to a General Mills Monsters Cereal project now and see where he goes with it! Instead of a feature though, I’d rather he make a serial…
Three Zombos out-of-Five
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